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Corporate Rewards Program |
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Corporate Rewards Programs are touted as incentive programs using a point system to reward employees for “extraordinary performance that positively impacts their company”. Yet you have to ask the question, who's idea of a reward are we talking about? What truly is a reward? At it’s most basic definition it is something that should be considered a “Reward” by the recipient and not just the giver. A piece of coal may be a great reward if you’re tiny Tim and it’s a cold English winter, where as it may be of no use to another recipient in balmy LA. It seems to me the people that think these Point Rewards Programs are a good idea aren’t the people that are struggling to put food on the table for their families. If you want to reward me then pay me more! Cash is a reward that everyone can agree on. It’s everyone’s favorite color and one size fits all. Whoever sold corporate America on the corporate rewards programs had a much better salesperson than the corporation who buys into it! |
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Top Office Break Room Pet Peeves |
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Everyone has their pet peeves when it comes to the office break room. It’s one place all coworkers have to share but still expect to have their space and their lunch in peace .We here at MyCorporateHell.com have decided to compile a list of some of the biggest break room offenders. Every office has someone if not everyone from this list stroll in to disturb that elusive tranquility we all so desire while we scarf down our flavorless frozen meal of the day. If you can’t relate to anyone on this list then you may be one of them. |
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Mafia Announces Massive Layoffs. |
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The Gambino family spokesman Joey (the scar) Giordano announced today impending layoffs for all of there US divisions. The Gambino family crime syndicate has had a long and profitable decade. Until the recent economic downturn, the crime business had paid well for the Gambinos and a number of other Families as well. “Many a proud man has fallowed in dar fodders footsteps and joined dis business. This is a frick'n American institution and a proud tradition fer many American families. So’s anyways, da family regrets da los of so many high paying US jobs, but can sees no odder alternitive to keep’n da family solvent. We's plan’s on terminate'n 2000 employees; and I do’s mean terminate,” said Giordano. |
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Oil Prices Expected to Spike After Earth Rotates. |
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Oil prices are expected to spike again after the earth rotates for the third straight day, said Lee Raymond retired Chairman and CEO of Exxon Mobil. He then pointed out that much of the high cost of gasoline was directly related to the high cost of producing it. “Have you ever seen a refinery? There’s lots of pipes and stuff”. Raymond then added that refineries were often the location of choice for good guys and evil villains to have their climactic final shootout, causing even more disruption in production. “We have taken heavy losses with that whole Alaska Valdez fiasco.” “The pesky wild life and pristine shoreline of Prince William Sound has cost our company a bundle” stated Rex Tillerson, the new Chairman Exxon Mobil. |
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Typically most of us when having to use a public restroom would opt for a sensory deprivation tank if we could. There is nothing worse than sharing your potty time with others. It’s such a personal experience and wasn’t meant to be shared or witnessed by others. Don’t you feel a little embarrassed if someone sees you going in to or out of a restroom? Doesn’t it feel like you’re doing something wrong, like when you hid behind the couch as a child and dirtied your diaper. So with all that why does it have to be made worse by a bunch of strangers with poor restroom habits?
Here is a quick list of the top restroom offenders as we at My Corporate Hell see it. |
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Apple Announces Their New Mac Pro G6 |
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Apple has given My Corporate Hell .com a sneak peak at the new Mac Pro G6, the fastest computer in the history of the world. Introducing the 6 Quad-Core Intel Xeon “Nutzo” processor. “Its single-die, 84-bit architecture makes 32GB of fully shared L3 cache readily available to each of the twelve-processor cores. The result is the fastest access to cache data and greater application performance on 6 - 1TB hard drives in the history of the world,” said Steve Jobs, Apples allusive CEO. The G6 New Virtual cores. “The new Intel Xeon “Nutzo” processors support Hyper-Threading, which allows six threads to run simultaneously on each core. So a 12-core Mac Pro presents 72 virtual cores that are recognized by Mac OS XXX “said Jobs. When asked what does that mean to the average consumer, Jobs replied, “I don’t know, but it’s frickin’ cool!” |
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Latest Comments
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I'd buy one if it were 1/2 a million....
"a match made in heaven" yep!!
It just makes me sick.
Yeah! fuck this shit!
Great read! an so true.